Day 73: ‘Truly in the Trenches,’ Doctor Dies by Suicide

DAY 73

Faith in the Midst of a Pandemic

A series of daily reflections for people of faith

by Rev. Robert Bayley, Interim Pastor

Patuxent Presbyterian Church, California, Maryland

WEEK ELEVEN: TUESDAY 26 MAY 2020

‘Truly in the Trenches,’ Doctor Dies by Suicide

“A top emergency room doctor at New York-Presbyterian Hospital died by suicide Sunday…She had described devastating scenes of the toll the coronavirus took on patients. ‘She tried to do her job, and it killed her,’ her father said. … She was always the physician who was looking out for other people’s health and well-being. … Dr. Lorna Breen was also a deeply religious Christian …” - Newspaper article 28 April by the same title

It was a Sunday evening service showing a Christian documentary film in which a family mourned the loss by suicide of their son who had joined a cult, which they blamed for his suicide. I sat there in silence, knowing what no one else in the sanctuary knew, that a member of our own congregation who clearly knew Jesus in her life, was at that very moment in intensive care in the hospital after trying to take her own life. She was, as was Dr. Breen, ‘a deeply religious Christian.’

Just before he lapsed into a state of unconsciousness from the drugs he had taken to end his life, and as he was being wheeled out of his home on a gurney by the paramedics to be taken to the hospital to save his life, he turned to me and cursed me for interfering with his suicide attempt. He was an agnostic, and he was my father.

Christian, agnostic, the intersection between individual worldviews or religious belief systems and mental illness is not available for parsing, and it is unwise to assign to any the blame for someone taking their own life. It takes countless turns in perception for a person to arrive at a place where consideration of taking their own life is not an abhorrent thought. I know - I’ve been there. Depression can wax and wane, and medication can help, but through it all remains one constant: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever,” – and at the end of the day it is enough. Hebrews 13:8.  “I will never leave you nor forsake you” is the trustworthy promise of this constant Christ, Hebrews 13:5. At the end of her day, Dr. Sara Breen knew this to be so.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1.800.273.8255

Reflective question: Are you, or is someone you know, suicidal? Please call the number above.

Reflective Scripture: Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Reflective hymn:

“Jesus Lover of My Soul” – Charles Wesley (1707-1788)

Other refuge have I none; hangs my helpless soul on thee;

Leave, O leave me not alone, still support and comfort me.

All my trust on thee is stayed, all my help from thee I bring;

Cover my defenseless head with the shadow of thy wing.